In My Opinion
By L.N.P.

"Life Stages"

I’ve been thinking about the stages of my life. How different they’ve been. How the things that seemed so important in one were barely on the radar screen in others, as new priorities took over. And how, against all odds, this could be the best stage yet.

In my twenties and early thirties raising my children was my top priority; I was totally focused on them. Loving them, instilling values, communicating with them. Being a friend to their friends, listening to their music, going to their ball games and theater productions, and helping them with their homework; that was what life was about. I knew who was dating whom among their friends, who was smoking or drinking too much, who were the best teachers, and what battles I needed to fight….for them. Life was mainly about my children, and most of it was lived vicariously through them. Their successes were mine and I reveled in them. Their failures cut deeply, because they were also mine. At least, that’s what I believed.

But by my mid-thirties, when my kids were teenagers and I’d already gone through a divorce, I was getting antsy. I wanted to be out in the world: working, traveling, finally discovering who I was besides a mother. And I got an exciting job, working for a museum design company. It satisfied me on so many levels; I learned new things on every project, traveled the country and the world, kept up with what was going on in the industry, the news, in music, in the arts. I was expanding my world, and that seemed good. I measured people by how they could help me, what they could teach me, how knowledgeable they were. I measured my success by my achievements and my position: doing good work, nabbing the best projects, moving up to 1st Class on the plane, staying at the best hotels, knowing the maitre de’s at the finest restaurants, getting promotions and raises. I thought people who didn’t read the news every day were ignorant, and people who didn’t know what was playing on Broadway or what music groups were “in” were oblivious. I hardly recognize that person now, but it was me.

By my early to mid-forties, it was all getting old. I was sick of traveling, disillusioned with the company I worked for, and scared to make a change. I was stuck. I added graduate school to my schedule, filling the hours of every day. I thought that getting my Masters in psychology might be my way out. Work all day, school and homework at night and on the weekends. My nest was empty, my heart lonely. My friends all had their own problems; we spent hours whining about our lives and commiserating with each other. We were all seeing shrinks. Life felt depressing and meaningless no matter how much I crammed it full with activities. Even writing about that period is painful. We were all so lost, so empty.

So it came as a completely unexpected surprise that towards the end of my forties I fell in love. I met my husband-to-be at a small party in Malibu; it was around the corner from me or else I would never have gone. And it was love at first sight; after we had talked (for more than four hours) I knew I was going to marry him. We’ve been together ever since. God had paid me a visit, although I didn’t quite realize it at the time. In fact, I wasn’t sure what I believed in, but for some strange reason I kept thanking Him. Falling in love is, after all, a glimpse of the spiritual world; colors are richer, sounds more melodious; a touch, deeper; a taste, sweeter.

I have often told people–especially those who are going through a rough stage in their lives–that my best years didn’t start until my late forties. It gives them hope. And, despite struggles and turmoil and sometimes ferocious external pressures, the last fourteen years have been indescribably beautiful because we spent them together. Nurturing our relationship was our top priority; we were the lucky ones.

Still, as we entered our late fifties, there were certain things that couldn’t be denied. We had no financial security; in fact, every month was a struggle. Our friends had gone through upheavals in their marriages and we’d drifted apart. Our lives were pretty routine; we worked together all day and had dinner and watched TV at night. We were often plagued by anxieties and fears about our future. And, we had questions about the meaning of it all, with no answers.

That’s when God paid another visit, only this time He stayed. As they say, “knock and the door will be opened for you;” which really means that if you seek Him, He’s always ready to open that door, with arms opened wide. Finding Him, and learning to trust in Him gave our lives-even the struggles-exquisite meaning. It answered our questions, assured our future, and gave us that peace I speak about so often, the peace “that transcends all understanding.”

So this stage of my life has been the stage of miracles, of answered prayers. Nothing about our lives is routine any longer, because the focus is on God. When THAT happens it changes everything, because suddenly you’re the person you were always meant to be. You’re not child-focused, or self-focused, work-focused or spouse-focused; you’re God-focused. Which means you grow in love and compassion, humility and empathy. You have servants’ hearts. You’re driven to help those in need, and in so doing discover how MUCH you really have. Your respect for each other grows daily, and your respect for others widens and deepens because you see people through God’s eyes. Rich or poor, healthy or sick, educated or not, black or white, fat or thin; we’re ALL made in His image, and there’s a reason He put us here. Sometimes we know it, sometimes we have to search for it, but we all have a divine purpose to fulfill.

But I was talking about the stage of answered prayers, the reason why this is the best stage of my life. We’ve been so blessed. We prayed for more work, and it’s raining down upon us. We needed financial security for the future, we prayed for it and we’ve been given it. We prayed for opportunities to serve, and we have them in abundance, wonderful opportunities to help hundreds of people. We have dozens of awesome friends, people who lift us up, encourage us, make us laugh, keep our secrets, hold us accountable and who would, at the drop of a hat, do absolutely anything they could to help us, and have.

My own horizons, now, in my sixtieth year, have suddenly broadened to incorporate all my past training and experience. An opportunity to do counseling for young women who find themselves unexpectedly pregnant came my way; I knew it was God utilizing my training to help others. The other day, an amazing opportunity to work on an exciting museum project was presented to me. It was something I could never have imagined, but obviously part of God’s perfect plan to use my past experience, but this time with a completely different worldview. My husband and I have meaning and purpose in our lives. Our hearts are open, our focus is clear, our cup runneth over.

That’s why I know this is the best stage of my life. God’s got our backs, and our eyes are on Him. And when He runs the show, nothing is impossible. What an amazingly great stage of life to be in–without doubt, the best stage yet.

Send me your opinions at LParis@netlistings.com