The Way I See It
By Joseph C. Phillips

Superstars

Each week, a different student in my son's second grade classroom was chosen as the “class superstar.” The other students wrote a paragraph describing things they found special about the superstar student. The sheets were collected, put into book form then given to the student at the end of the year.

I read my son's superstar book. In fact, I read it twice. I checked the name on the cover because I didn't recognize the boy described on the book's pages. If my son's classmates had used descriptives like “smelly, loud and ashy” I would have recognized him immediately. His classmates, however, found him “nice.” They were impressed with his “good sense of humor” and they liked him because he is “smart.” Of course, he has just finished the second grade. Most boys his age are smelly and loud and pee-pee jokes are comic gold for an audience of 7 and 8 year olds.

Flipping through the book, I realized how often I take for granted those things others enjoy about my son. It wasn't a stretch to imagine I was also probably overlooking qualities in the other children as well. I got the idea to create my own superstar book for everyone in the family. It seemed a good way to focus my attention and let them know that I believe them to be superstars even during those times when the rest of the world might not think they are so hot.

The lists for my wife and two of my sons were relatively easy. However, my momentum came to a screeching halt when I began to contemplate my middle child. Rather than a list of all that I find special about my son, I found myself preparing a catalogue of everything he is lacking. Why the high bar for this son and not the rest? And is it possible to prepay for the therapy it appears my son and I will clearly need?

It is said the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. My middle son looks most like me. He is my complexion, has my eyes and my body type. But our children don't just reflect our good qualities they reflect many of our bad ones as well. My son is also moody, he whines, is a bit lazy and overly cautious. The very personality traits I most want to change about myself are the same things that I tend to see first when I look at him. They are aspects of my personality my family and friends are willing to overlook in me and that sadly I have difficulty overlooking in him.

Which is a shame really. The point of the exercise was to look beyond the superficial and dig for those special qualities I was failing to notice in members of my family during the regular course of the day, to peel back the layers and take a peek at the essence of the people I love. When I manage to look past the reflections of my weakness, I see that my little buddy has more heart than anyone I know. He is gentle and kind. He is honest and has a beautiful smile complete with dimples. He is popular with his classmates because he is friendly and makes them laugh. In short, he is a beautiful little boy (if I do say so myself) and these are the aspects of his personality I should encourage.

Making the list was a wonderful way of letting my wife and kids know how significant they are to me. It turned out I learned a thing or two about myself as well.

Send me your ways of seeing it at Josephcp@netlistings.com