The Way I See It
By Joseph C. Phillips

Crack Book

I was warned and I didn’t listen. I am a Facebook junkie.  All I do is think about writing on walls, updating my status and commenting on other people’s status.  I have sacrificed family and friends – I haven’t talked to my wife in more than a week!  I am ashamed to admit that yesterday I went on a five hour bender.  Before joining I was warned that it was highly addictive. I should have listened. I didn’t and now I am hooked.

For the uninitiated, Facebook (or FB) is a free-access social networking site that allows members to keep in touch with their friends and associates.  Members construct a profile page that shares information about their relationship status, political ideology, religious beliefs, favorite movies and the like.  Members can also upload family photo albums, modeling photos, snapshots from the college crew, digital shots of friends eating chicken at the fourth of July picnic or sharing wine at the museum opening.

Of course, not everyone can peek at the goodies; you have to be invited. Once you join, you seek out people you know and become their friends.  You then find out who you may know in common and invite them to be friends.  Other people will send invitations to you to be their friends and so on and so forth.  You are then free to view their profile and leave messages on their profile page or their “wall.”  You can also instant message friends that are online or send private messages via email.  The truly great feature is that you can let all your friends know what you are doing at that exact moment.  This is known as updating your status.  For instance, someone might share the fascinating news that they are on the way to the movies or waiting for the plumber to arrive.  I might write, “Joseph is supposed to be writing his column but is on Facebook instead.”  Your friends can then comment on your status. 

Members are thus free to share the intimacies of their entire lives and their friends get a front row seat.  I guess maybe it satisfies something of the voyeur to say nothing of the exhibitionist in us all. 

It’s not all bad news.  FB has allowed me to reconnect with relatives I have not seen in years and old friends from high school.  I have also been able to stay better connected to a few business associates as well as being introduced to a few nice people.  At least they seem nice online.  They may be complete whack jobs in their real lives, but on FB they are my friends.  And due to the fact that it is a supersized photo album, I have also been able to take a gander at a couple of women I used to fawn over in my youth to see how they have held up under the bludgeoning of time.  This, I think, is getting the greatest bang for your FB buck.  (I can’t be sure, but my man instinct tells me that the primary motivation behind the creation of Facebook was guys being able to ogle pretty girls on the Harvard campus.)

It all sounds so silly, but it is 100% pure, addictive, mind altering substance.  No doubt this is why so many businesses have restricted its use by employees in the work place; when FB is around, the only work being done is FB work. 

I don’t know how I am going to get this monkey off my back.  The truth is I don’t want to.  I am having too much fun.  FB makes me laugh and feel warm inside.  When I am away from my computer, I am thinking about Facebook.  I would rather be on FB than watch television.  I want to know who has commented on my status or accepted me as a friend.  If I am away too long, I begin to get the shakes so I added the Facebook application to my Blackberry. Now I can not only text while I am driving down the highway, I can read what someone wrote on my wall and update my Facebook status as well.

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Joseph C. Phillips is the Author of "He Talk Like A White Boy."  Now available wherever books are sold."