TALES FROM THE BARSTOOL
By: Clint Lien

"The Youth of Today"

I used to think of myself as being a fearless young man. I've raced the Ironman. I've worked the Northern oil rigs and I met Sean Wilson at the bike racks after school when everyone said he would kick my ass. Ms. Henshaw broke up the battle before any ass got kicked, but I showed up. Two nights ago I saw something that made me realize, when it came to bravery, I had nothing on the youth of today.

A friend and I were crossing the road in front of his house. My friend lives on a long steep hill. Just as I was opening the door of the car a sound caught my attention and I turned to look up the hill. I squinted into the dark to see what was coming down the road from above. From out of the night shot a kid on a skateboard. He was doing at least thirty miles an hour. He didn't have a single bit of protection on his body, not a helmet or a kneepad. I couldn't tell if he was wearing gloves because his hands were stuck in his pockets! One thing I was sure of was that in about 2.5 seconds he was about to prove Darwin quite correct and remove himself from the gene pool. There was a stop sign at the bottom of the hill and it was clear to me that the only thing that was going to stop this guy was traffic coming the other way. My friend and I stared in horror at the spectacle that was sure to end badly. Just as the impetuous youth approached the intersection he dropped one foot and began to break slightly. He hit the corner, leaned hard and turned 90 degrees on a dime. He didn't take his hands out of his pockets - until he needed to pull out a cigarette.

When I was fourteen I spent every spare minute I could find on my skateboard. I fancied myself pretty good. Only my neighbor Jeffrey had superior handling skills in our circle. We were jumping broom handles and ditches. The girls thought we were pretty cool. We thought we were pretty cool. If we had seen that kid I saw two nights ago we would have put our boards away - well, I would have put my board away. Jeffrey would have probably tried the stunt and killed himself.

Are they breeding them tougher these days or just dumber?

Last year I made the mistake of thinking I hadn't really changed all that much since I was 13. I still felt like the same guy. I asked one of the neighbor kids if I could go for a spin on his board. He thought I was crazy but let me have at it. I put one foot on that board and was absolutely gripped with fear. While I was in no real danger of lending any credence to Darwin, I know, without a question, had I pushed off, I most certainly would have validated Newton - and in a hurry. I walked away with my tail firmly planted between my legs but intact.

It also seems like the drugs the kids are using these days are much stronger than the herbs we smoked back in the 70s. Now it's all pills and powder. I can't even get close to someone smoking weed anymore. The contact high alone makes me see politicians in their underwear. I think back to those Seventies and I remember my parents lamenting the rampant drug use that made every headline. Maybe things aren't as bad as we think they are. Back then the media wanted the "parent" generation to fear for the future. I believe they still do.

The suicidal kid on the skateboard will eventually put his board away, take on a mortgage and really learn about fear. He'll watch his own kids do things that will make his hair go white and wonder what the hell is happening to the youth of today.

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