TALES FROM THE BARSTOOL
By: Clint Lien

"There are things I've done I can't erase. I wanna look in the mirror and see another face." Tom Waits - Walk Away

Men who sit in bars know about regret. For a good many of them it is a train of thought that never stops running; a constant cloud in the skies of their minds.

I was sitting amongst just such a group of men in a dark little pub in Victoria, Canada last week. Now usually the conversation doesn't stray far from the standard staccato commentaries on the current events of the day, but it was not the case on this day. C.J. was watching the highlights from a hockey game and after a moment he commented that he had been a pretty fair player in his younger days and was sorry he didn't stick with it. That started it. From there each man gave voice to a regret they carried. There were four of us. Tim often thought about a young woman he met in Mazatlan and had gone on to spend five blazing days with. Afterwards, she returned to Portland and he to Victoria. Tim has never been married and at fifty five he doubts he ever will. He was pretty sure he loved that girl. He was thirty two then.

Mike's regret concerned his brother. I guess Mike and his brother had some words over a woman and didn't speak to one another for almost three years. His brother died six years ago in a logging truck accident before they had made amends.

My regret? Easy. I wish I had been a father. I'm thirty seven so there is time, but I wish I had done it sooner. Simple.

So there you have it - four short summaries from fellows with portions of their past that rest poorly on their minds. Something occurred to me later; each of us regretted something we had NOT done - not the things we had done. So I thought about it personally. I thought about my own life. I tried to list in my mind the things I'd done I was sorry for - things I would take back if I could. The best I could come up with was a litany of mean things said to people I loved during times of high passion and hot tempers. The bottom line - it was a short list.

But I'm not short of regrets. No offspring tops the list, but there is more; not learning to play an instrument and not learning to speak Spanish are good ones - and why did I stop running after I won my first race - a win seven years in the making? All the things I have not done.

Regret is certainly not limited to aging men in dark bars. The single woman with three children, the UPS delivery guy and the head of that multi-billion dollar software company, they all know about it. I think maybe the current President of the United States knows about it quite intimately, but in his case he probably regrets what he has done. There are always exceptions.

And what does it all tell us?

Regret can be a cancer, we all know that, but I think maybe it can also be an impetus to a better life. I read a quote once many years ago that always stuck with me. I think it was Confucius. The quote went something like, "if you wonder whether you should do something or not, you're probably better off not." I think the old guy was way off here and it doesn't take a brain surgeon to figure it out. The next time something comes along that takes a little courage, cowboy up and do it. Write the book. Make the call. Kiss the girl. As our friends in the athletic shoe world like to say, "just do it." The worst thing that can happen is you fail. There are worse things.

To "Thumping Head" in El, Paso Texas who wanted to know how to prevent hangovers:

Try drinking less. On a more practical note; Don't mix your booze. Pick your poison and stick with it. Don't mix sugared soda pop with good alcohol. Use water if you must. Eat a fat greasy burger or two before you start pounding. I've heard taking a B complex vitamin helps, but I can't testify to that. Drink a few cups of water before going to bed.

Reactions? Comments? Write me at barfly@netlistings.com