TALES FROM THE BARSTOOL
By: Clint Lien

"Closing Time"

I’ve been writing this column now for more than four years. This one will be my forty-eighth. I’m thinking that’s enough - don’t you? Time to finish my drink and find the exit. I’ll probably be back in the morning when the doors open but right now I just want to go to bed.

When I started the column I wanted to use the space to try to make people smile. Judging by the mail I received back then, sometimes I succeeded.
Then 9/11 happened and for me the world just wasn’t as funny any more. I admired how a guy like Dave Barry could keep us laughing even after the world had slipped on such an ugly mask - (or taken the benign one off?) Now even Dave has closed his laptop. One less thing to smile at.

We’ve become a nation that celebrates mediocrity and stupidity. A man named William Hung has a record deal and is now making movies for the simple reason that he is a fool and unaware of the fact. He is quoted as saying he will only play "good guys" and "heroes" in his movies. He doesn’t want to tarnish his image.

And there’s so much more.

In Texas they executed a retarded man. Some people cheered.

An election fought on the hot button issues - gay marriage, abortion, capital punishment. Issues that get the blood moving - away from our brains. Forget trifling matters like health care, education, the economy and the environment.

The President of the United States - a C student who thought Africa was a country.

A continuing war. First it’s terrorist links that don’t exist. Then it’s weapons of mass destruction never found. Finally the Iraqi people need liberation from the evil clutches of Sadaam. Over a 100,000 of them are liberated permanently. The number of dead rise as the ranks of the insurgents swell. It seems they don’t want our liberation too badly - and yet we’re still there.

The "new" country music. My god what horror! But it sells great.

The news - 30 second sound bites and scrolling headlines. They don’t dare scratch the surface or we’ll turn the channel.

And getting hate mail from right wing fundamentalists, even the illiterate ones, just isn’t as fun as it used to be.

Still I love writing this column. I love hearing from people who enjoy reading it and even enjoy hearing from those who don’t.

Lynn and Jim Paris have given me a wonderful opportunity to spout off every month. They never once made a single effort to influence my content. We have different belief systems but I know we share mutual respect. They have my love and I hope they’ll save me a space at the bar. I’ll be back the moment I can type something that isn’t just more pissing and moaning about the current state of affairs.

Dedicated to AJ
Hopefully they have lots of free boards where he’s going.

Reactions? Comments? Write me at barfly@netlistings.com