'Loose Talk'
By Benjamin Benedict

Say Cheese

My Aunt always used to say, ‘when in doubt smile’. I have relied upon that advice and although nothing can make you feel more like The Village Idiot than smiling at someone for no apparent reason, it does work. 

It has been put to me that animals cannot smile. I am told that we just think that they are smiling. I am not sure if this is meant to mean that animals physically cannot smile, because they don’t have the requisite facial muscles, or because they don’t have the emotion that goes with smiling. If it is the second hypothesis, then it would be necessary to identify all the emotions that can be expressed by smiling. A moment’s thought is enough to realize that you can smile about most things. Someone smiling through their tears, pulls at the heart strings as almost nothing else can, which playwrights and movie makers are well aware of.

Now, I personally think that dogs and elephants are particularly good at smiling, and I have no doubt that they are also smiling on the inside. Physically, their smiles are not quite like our smiles, but they all seem to involve a change in the shape and openness of the mouth and I am completely convinced that they are in fact smiling because they are generally pleased with what is going on, or because they find it funny. My guess is that elephants are particularly big on humour.

On the other hand, a chimpanzee who is closest to us genetically, often gives the biggest grin, but I don’t think that has anything to do with smiling at all. It is a grimace, not really a grin and certainly not a smile. A porpoise is something else again. It is always smiling. That is just the way its jaw is set, and this combined with its naturally inquisitive and playful nature makes us wonder what happy drug it’s on. And there is a grain of truth in it. Overall the porpoise is a friendly, happy-go-lucky creature, but I am told that there are times when it is downright vicious and no doubt it keeps smiling all the time.   

The smile painted on a clown’s face is also fixed and can hide a myriad of emotions. One of Marvel Comics greatest creations, The Joker is constantly smiling, but what dark, twisted thoughts lie behind it! Then there is of course the famous crocodile smile, and the imagined smile of the wolf in sheep’s clothing. Both mask dark intent, but they don’t mask it too well or children would not be scared of them

But in a world of smiling salesmen and women, promoting everything from alcohol to holy water, in the smiling world of stage and screen and news casting, the falsest of all smiles belongs elsewhere. You have probably guessed it; the mother of all smiles belongs to the politician. They smile when they come into office and they smile when they leave. They smile when they are at peace and they smile when they are at war. They are always smiling at you. They have steely smiles, and commanding smiles, they have needy smiles and demanding smiles. They have just about every damn kind of smile you can think of. If we are not careful, they will smile us right off the planet.

I conclude my list with the most enigmatic of smiles; the Giaconda Smile. Why have I saved this till last? Well, because it is the one that hides its secret best and is likely the last smile to ever cross our lips.

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